WEARY, WEAK AND SICK IN AMERICA

     This physical sickness worries me. It's the flu caused by the Singapore virus brought in by son Rene who arrived in US with a cough and I caught it. I have been sick since arriving from that long trip to the Grand Canyon in Arizona several days ago. For the first time in years, I can feel the weakening of my body. I can walk and go to the yard but this odd feeling always come back again and again.
    An old man getting sick and feeling useless in America. What is there to look for in the so-called land of milk and honey? The best is yet to come is just a figment of the imagination. Count the minutes and look outside the screened window for the low brown mountains of Menifee.And then remembering the translation days in Baguio--the Bible project, getting the Scriptures into the language of Amianan.
    A flicker of hope of recovery is probably better than a ton of worries.

Callaguip Girl

Amarillo, Texas

Snow on her hair:
A memory sans end.

AGDANIW NI PABLO NERUDA ITI ILOKANO

( An Ilokano translation of the Nobel Prize recipient's "The Saddest Poem")

Ita a rabii, makasuratak iti kalidayan a daniw.

Kas pagarigan, isuratko, "Nakarangranga ti rabii,

Ket agarigengen dagiti asul a bitbituen iti adayo."

Agkanta ti agrikusrikos nga angin-rabii iti law-ang.

Ita a rabii, makasuratak iti kalidayan a daniw,

Nagayatak kenkuana, no dadduma idi, inayatnak met.

Idi, tunggal rabii a kas iti daytoy, agpatpatnag
                                                     nga ar-arakupek,
Ag-agkak iti awan patinggana a langit.

Kasano nga awan agayat kadagiti naulimek
                                  ken mangnibinibi a matmatana?

Narnuoyan iti bituen ti rabii, awan ti imnas iti sidongko.
Pampanunotek nga awan iti dennak ket aglimduak
                                                    ta napukawko.

Denggek ti mangliwengliweng a rabii nga ad-adda
                 nga awan patinggana gapu iti kaawanna.
Matnag ti daniw iti kararua, kas iti pannakatnag ti linnaaw
                                                           iti daga.

Diakon ay-ayaten ti imnas idinto a dinungdungngok.
Biroken ti timekko ti pul-oy a manglalailo
                                                 kadagiti lapayagna.
Addanto sabali a mangtagikua kenkuana. Ay, addanto
    a kas iti panangtagikuak kadagiti agekna, ti timekna,
ti nalap-it a pammagina, dagiti saan a malansad a matmatana.

Dagita amin. Iti adayo, adda agkanta. Iti adayo'
Agtawataw ti kararuak ta awan ti imnas iti sibay.
Biroken dagiti matak, kasla iyasidegda kaniak.

Sapulen ti pusok ngem awan ti imnas.

Isu met la a rabii puoranna dagiti puon ti kayo.

Dakami, wen, dakami, Saankamin a kas idi.

Gapu kadagidi rabii, kas itoy, inikutak kadagiti takkiagko.

Uray no daytoyen ti maudi a saem nga impalayna kaniak
Ket daytoy metten ti maudi a daniwko para kenkuana.

Grandchild Marga Denise de los Santos Julian

DEFILED MIND, DEFILED LIFE AND CORRUPT BODY

    To following quotation is from a red notebook that the blogger--a former government information officer and correspondent of the Philippine Daily Inquirer-- used to write and jot down gists of interviews of people including politicians:

     "Out of a defiled mind proceeds a defiled life and a corrupt body. Thought is a found of action, life and manifestation; make the fountain pure and all will be pure."

Grandchild Margarita Denise in Panagbenga attire in Baguio City

 

Grandchildren Christian and John Philip

Gilbert bridge over the Padsan River in Laoag City, Philippines

MEMORIES LIKE ROCKS

FOR S:

Apologies.
It could be a kind of paralysis without a name, sans logic. It's a kind of illness, of the mind or a part of the physical body. No matter. It was there, day in and day out. An inscrutable enemy that grips you with its tentacles.
And the laptop's thought processes went askew. The gadget helped keep in secret the thoughts of the lone wolf walking the night. Sleep is an aberration of mad men.
And then the decision to take a sabbatical leave from social media.
Could not take this plethora of personal messages, sad and irksome. The anger is there ready to surface, nay, explode in words but could it change the situation? Will the wayward husband go back to the wife who gave her three beautiful intelligent girls? And the niece is sick of cancer.
There are memories that don't go away; they are like rocks that decided to settle in a corner of the mind.

THE VICE-PRESIDENT MUST EXPLAIN HIS 'ENORMOUS' WEALTH

     He was a poor human rights lawyer during the martial law years. He and his buddy, the father of the incumbent president of the Philippines, fought the regime of Ferdinand Marcos.
     After the fall of the dictator, the country's second highest leader was given political power on a silver platter. By the mother of a seemingly incompetent president, who inaugurated her presidency on a high moral ground. That was in 1989 that Jejomar (Jesus Joseph, Maria- the Biblical family) Binay, an Ibanag from Isabela)
started his political career as chief executive of the country's richest city. His family--himself, wife, son--lorded it over the country's premier city since then.

A Hair's Breath

     The envisioned bilingual magazine of Ilokano writers. We were a hair's breath from fulfilling the dream. But we could not walk together for long.

****
They say one thing and mean another tongue-in-cheek. The politics of rhetoric of the Vice-President as conceptualized by his propaganda machine against the Trillianes-Cayetano-Pimentel triumvirate of the Senate alleged politically-motivated investigation of the alleged unexplained wealth of Jejomar Binay. How did he acquire his enormous wealth. He started out as a poor human rights lawyer in the time of Ferdinand Marcos. After the fall of the dictator (was this term invented by the Americans?), Binay was installed as officer-in-charge of Makati by Cory Aquino. He then established a political dynasty that controlled the country's richest city.

****
Enter that dream world and the mystery of the little girl with sad eyes, a jug of water on her dainty head. Earlier, she, on her knees, had dugged the river sands with her little fingers and watched as the water rose, took the cup and bailed out the water. She threw the water on her side, repeating the act until the liquid was clear, sparkling and she could see the bottom of the pit. She scooped the water with a cup made of coconut shell and put it in the clay jar; she did this a number of times until the container was full.

****
PANAAS*

Umarubayan ti lagip
iti kasaor ti malem-sardam
idiay Laoag, ditoy Menifee
iti batog ti kidem a langit:
karkarsanna idi ti pagsakduanna
iti kadaratan, ket iti di mabayag
ballasiwenna manen ti karayan,
ti imnas a nagsusuon iti malabi
ti nasam-it a danum
ni ayat--daytoy ti kaudian
nga am-amangaw, alimbasag
ken tarimbangon dagiti palimed
ken naliday a dandaniw a mariing
kadagiti ulila a parbangon.

PLACES IN THE OLD COUNTRY and other memories

Bridge over the Magat River to Potia, Ifugao in Northern Philippines  

The main canal of the Magat River Irrigation System, third biggest in Southeast Asia . Originating from Barangay Aguinaldo, Ramon, Isabela, this artery passes through the centuries-old village of Oscariz, Ramon town, where the blogger's house is located along the highway to San Mateo, Cabatuan, and several towns unto Tuguegarao, Cagayan to the north.



Artist version of the old dadapilan (sugar cane crusher--the juice can be made into molasses
 or the Ilokano wine called basi or arak) at the Aurora Park in Laoag City

The blogger and government functionaries in the old Spanish City of Vigan in Ilocos Sur. From left: broadcaster Elmer Peredo, broadcaster Ben Pacris, photographer Orlando Pedro and PLJ as officer-in-charge of the Department of Public Information Provincial Office.

The old Tabacalera in Laoag City converted into a museum of traditional arts

Three generations: the blogger, Denise Margarita, Peter II

Julian siblings playing poker at the sala of the house in Oscariz

MENIFEE FIREPIT AS THE ILOKANO TEMTEM AROUND WHICH THE NATIVES WARM THEMSELVES

    
     It was a thing of the past, this firepit called temtem, around which the natives warm themselves during cold weather in the Ilocos of old in the old country. It consisted of a shallow circular hole in the ground on which straws or wood were burned and old folks gather around and made conversations. It was usually early in the morning in the cold months of December, January and February.
     In the Menifee version which was lighted last night, the circular firepit is atop a huge circular concrete post, at least 16 inches in height, that sits on a wide concrete circular base on the ground. The firepit has brown little stones (pulverized river rocks?) and is fired by gas from a source connected to the house by an underground pipe.
    It was a chilly night and the blogger, a bonnet on his head, was wearing a shirt over a black sweatshirt--not much clothing to ward off the cold in the first experience of this kind of weather this year in America.
    The couple Anib and Dianne, in heavy sweaters along with the Mexican Alex Alvarado who constructed the firepit weeks ago, were sitting on chairs and making conversations around the  fireplace which is in a corner of the lighted yard with coconut trees. They were drinking beers, perhaps to celebrate the occasion. An hour later, they broke up and Alex , 29,drove home to Perris City, 15 minutes away. 

Quote of  the day: "In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of the things not meant for you."--Buddha

Frontage of home in Oscariz, Ramon, Isabela, Philippines

Grandchild Denise Margaria Julian, 4th year engineering student at SLU in Baguio City, Philippines

BROWNOUTS IN MENIFEE

"agur-uray ti pusona
iti kuarto ti adu a laglagip
iti sungadan ti parbangon
dagiti am-amangaw, alimbasag
ken tarimbangon."


  A little bit scary to experience brownouts in an American community. Occuring  one after the other, the first was at 6:00 PM, lasting at least ten minutes; the other at close to 8:00 PM, when the Philippine sitcom ,"Strawberry Lane", was being aired. Sometime later, the lights went off briefly. It gave us the creep;  our son and his wife who are US citizens were in the night shift.
     The reaction could be from Philippine experience, where electricity suddenly goes off especially during the night and bad elements break into homes and robbing them of valuables. Homeowners sometimes are killed protecting their dwellings.
      Located in the Palomino housing project in AUDIE MURPHY RANCH, our two-story home was acquired last May by our son and his wife, both nurses in an American hospital.
     It's 9: 12 pm and the blogger hopes the efficiency of the American system holds out. My wife and I are in our fourth month in America as immigrants.

    

NAKEM CONFERENCE ON THE ILOKANO LANGUAGE

     Our best wishes for the success of the Convention of Ilokano language spearheaded by Nakem Conference scheduled in Baguio City, Philippines on October 23-25, at the Supreme Hotel.
     The affair will see also the launching of a book, the newest of its kind in Ilokano literature, "Memoria iti Amin a Dekada," an anthology of Ilokano poems, authored by Delia Caguia, a saluyot, born in Balungao, Pangasinan, who lives in Spain with her three children. Delia, who was widowed when her son was 9 years old (he is now 29) will be coming along with daughter Hannah to the Philippines for the launching of her book.
     Nakem founder and sparkplug, Dr. Aurelio Solver Agcaoili, originally from Laoag City, is the coordinator of the Ilokano program of the University of Hawaii at Manoa. The award-winning writer is the author of Ilokano lexicons and other writings in Ilokano, Tagalog, and English.
     Ilokanos are the third biggest ethno-linguistic groups in the Philippines. They are mostly found in the North Luzon region and in the diaspora in Mindanao, Hawaii and the US mainland.

CHAOS AND INFERNO

     The chaos in Metro Manila, especially the city ruled by the convicted economic plunderer, is actually a kind of natural order or scheme of things. Noisy thoroughfares, people coming and going, vendors selling cigarettes, sneaking in and out of traffic. Housewives doing the laundry in dwellings under bridges, overpasses--where do they relieve themselves when human nature calls? The living voices of the poor people in the squatters' colonies. The silent high-rising buildings, the palisades along the bay with murky waters where the downtrodden take their baths.
     This is an inferno of sulfur and fire, if there is such a physical thing, as conceptualized by the Italian poet Dante and Bible writers. But this could be paradise for the living for how could more than five million people co-exist and appear to be happy in a space as small as Singapore, the world's sixth richest country?
    It is us who create our own inferno of the living ? It is us who create our own version of Paradise, the Scriptural East of Eden, now wracked by violence and endless wars, where women are slaves and treated as garbage?

A THOUSAND DEATHS

     "A man can do what he wants, but not want what he wants."--Arthur Schopenhauer

"

 

     There is great sadness in this family narrative when the son speaks ill of his Papa, his biological father. The sentence of a few well-placed words is read again and again but does not change; there is no other meaning except what is says pointblank, heartlessly. The blogger-reader, who is also a father, bleeds and dies a thousand deaths.

     "Time may bury itself in forget-me-grave, but memory is an active  narrative that lives on and on."

     Terry, Lito, Benedicto

    US businessman Terry Gabriel Tugade called from Santa Maria, California, saying he was passing the phone to Lito de Francia whom I have not seen for many years. They were attending probably a seminar, mostly Filipino participants, in the area. Lito who had a doctorate from the University of the Cordilleras in Baguio, is now "bigtime" in the land of milk and honey along with Terry. Lito said he was going to Mexico for a 10-day seminar and  would be dropping by in Menifee, where the bloggers lives. Then he passed the phone to another Ilokano writer Benedicto Tadena, originally from Ilocos Norte like Tito. After the usual amenities, Benedicto, who came to America in the 1990s, said he was working at Zodia Aerospace that makes house parts. He said he did not have the skills for the job--he is a high school graduate in the Philippines--but the company taught him how to make house parts. Then he passed the phone back to Lito who said he was sorry to terminate the conversation. And he bade goodbye .
     The conversation with long-lost friends lasted for at least five minutes pho
    His FB photo shows Terry a balding old person. The faces of Lito, a smiling individual, and Benedicto exist only in memory. The blogger met Benedicto only once or twice in the home country but he considers him a friend because he is a writer. Lito and Benedicto are much younger than us and have all the time to make the American dream. Terry, also called Tito, a name he hates, has made his dream come true but he is always on the move, travelling from one state to another to make money.


 

Memory: Jewelle Anne Julian and her cousins doing the blogger's laptop at the unfinished third floor
of the ancestral home in Laoag City, Philippines

 

 

The blogger's collection--magazines, books--some of which were given free
 to members of an Ilokano writing organization in the Philippines.

A scene from the Sin City the blogger and his family visited some years ago.

DUE PROCESS OF LAW

   
     The Union to which the Philippine nurse belongs to has filed a "grievance" memorandum (for lack of a better terminology) with the US hospital for the illegal dismissal of the former. The Union asked the hospital to reinstate the nurse and compensate her for the services she rendered or should have rendered but did not because of her dismissal. What the hospital did was a violation of the contract (collective bargaining agreement) signed between the company with the nurses' union.

     The blogger saw in this case the hospital's violation of one of the most fundamental values of American democracy: due process of law.
     Here was the situation:  A complaint was filed by the rival Philippine nurse with a high-ranking officer of the hospital. There was supposed to be an investigation of the complaint; they interviewed at least four nurses including the aggrieved Philippine nurse. The hospital withheld the names of the "witnesses" (also Philippine nurses to protect them, according to hospital official.)
     There were supposed to be five steps in the process, but it appears that they started with the first step and went to step five, skipping the rest of the protocol.
     The poor Filipina nurse was not furnished a written copy of the complaint, was not allowed to confront her accuser and the "witnessess". Suddenly, like lighning from the blue, the hospital hit her with a sledge hammer by dismissing her from the service.
   An outstanding well-like Philippine nurse who has been praised by fellow workers and even received awards for excellent services. Dismissed for "harassment" without any evidence?
     This is the American democratic system?
     The Philippine nurse has consulted a lawyer-relative who vowed to "fix," whatever that means, what was wrong in the case.
     Meanwhile, the blogger plans to write President Barack Obama about the situation and its consequences.
     The blogger is angry that fellow Filipinos in this so-called land of milk and honey, a bastion of democracy, has brought with them their despicable crab mentality that was swallowed hook, line and sinker by Americans with dictatorial tendencies.  
    

FAREWELL TO REALITY, JOURNEY TO THE UNKNOWN

     It may be good to make preparations for that journey to the so-called Great Divide. Farewell to reality to a place that may not be there, that may not exist except in the realm of the mind or that undiscovered country around the corner. Why separate yourself alone and wait as if the assassin who vowed to kill you is lurking in the vicinity?
     Get out of the room of fear and see the eternal sun shining bright in an azure sky; listen, listen to the soft music and the voices of the living.

 

 

     Why waste time in useless imaginings. If time is no longer on your side, why bother? Make use of what is left of your it; the best is yet to come.

SOME NOTES ON THURSDAY

NO ILOKANOKA

     Saan koma a lipaten dagiti Ilokano ti lengguaheda. Ngamin, isu daytoy ti napalabasda, ti agdamada, ti masakbayanda. No didan ammo ti agiluko, saandan nga Ilokano ket awan karbenganda a maawagan iti Ilokano.

That Standard Operating Procedure for Corrupt Politicians

     VP Jejomar Binay (or his alleged illegal acts) is the subject of an article that is the banner headline of the Philippine Daily Inquirer. It appears that a black mud has been splattered across the face of this Ibanag who wants to be president of the Philippines in 2016.

     Binay was a poor human rights lawyer who fought the dictatorship, its excesses, human rights violations, corruption. It's ironic that the things he fought and became famous are thrown back against him as having been committed by him, his and his siblings--incumbent Makati mayor Junjun, sister Nancy (in the case of cakes sold to the city's senior citizens?)

     Binay, a native of Cabagan, Isabela has a lot to explain on the alleged overpriced Makati Park building, rigged bids and other anomalies. He just can't dismissed these accusations as politically-motivated.


STRAY LINES, THE SONG OF ANGELS




Bridge to Potia, Ifugao across the Magat River that flows toward San Mateo, Isabela

The vanishing Ilokano kareton (bull cart) in Paoay, Ilocos Norte

their faces, blurred, serrated are fading away,

their black breathes announcing the breaking dawn
here in Menifee

the magazine was breathing, its life robust
with young words, old words made new

we were poised for the stars

suddenly, a west wind in tandem with another from
the east came, blowing away the lights and the angels

we, in dark nights, tried to kill the emotions of fear,
hate, anger that were strangers in the old hometown

POEM X AND DAGITI KUDDAKUDDA NI EMERENCIANA

 

the rag dolls

a quick addendum to the high-profile alibaba
no investment, no cash will be interred in memory

like the carcasses of thieves and poisonous snakes
slithering across the dark pages of the magazine
of dreams.


DAGITI KUDDAKUDDA NI EMERENCIANA*
(Nota Bene ken ni Errol Abrew)

Nabileg ken makabibineg ti parabur ken kalangiking ti diosa: 
adda ngarud dagiti agalad idinto nga agsasaritada iti ngata-ngata,
agipurruakda kadagiti balikas nga apuy a mabalin met koma
a rosas a binnatog iti sappuyot ti bagbaga a di nakasusuro iti gura.

Wenno uray panaginkukuna a  saan ket a naraber a parpardaya met
ti anniniwan ken al-alia dagiti amin a pungtot ken buritektekda.
 
(Adda bariw-as iti panangibando iti kinasudi idinto nga agpapas
nga agmanadada kadagiti sikkarud iti timpuyog ti wayawaya?
Ania ti labes ti tirtiris ti kinatiri? Adda agballatek nga arrabis ?)

 

anansata, adtoy ti baribari a mangikkat kadagiti sansanuong
wenno kitkituman no di man panagbuteng kadagiti bambanti;
 
anansata,  mabati  latta koman dagiti babassit a munmunieka, 
dagiti agikurkur-it iti ballada iti sagrado koma a bukod a daga.

 

*Nairaman iti revised/ version ti "Umayka Manen, Ganggannaet/Come Again, Stranger", antolohia dagiti dandaniw nga Ilokano ken Ingles ni Peter La. Julian

PINAY CRABS, VAMPIRES IN US WORKPLACES

The million shoes of Imelda
stacked in gleaming steel ladders
arranged like a pyramid,
the Aswan Dam crumbling down
like a house of Pasuquin salt.
In black and white,
the photo serrated
a face contorted
in  pain.

She was shouting
again, delirious in her dream:
the bronze-winged Pinay vampire--
cavernous mouth dripping, dripping
with blood--
chasing her
in and out
in and out
of the hospital.
And she saw a jackfruit
caramelized into the guayabano leaves
in the old country.

THE LOST MARBLE SOUNDS

Moving at right angle
Inside of me
In the square of nowhere:
The flowering dream
Entangled in the clouds
Around a ball of fire
In the late afternoon
In the extreme weather
Here in Menifee.

THE FILIPINO CRAB MENTALITY IN AMERICA

     Things sometimes fall apart, D, but it's not the end of the world. You must hold your center, your beautiful soul, that your co-workers notice shining bright in your job and in your social relationship in the workplace.
     You have become a victim of the Filipino crab mentality that your oppressor should have left behind in the old country.
     A and her cohorts (also Filipina nurses) who succeeded in pulling you down will have their day in court and in the court of the Almighty. And karma will forever hound this daughter of Herodias who, along with management, committed this injustice against you.

AN EXERCISE IN FUTILITY

     It was a five-year affair that the blogger and the writer from Caba, La Union struggled for: to make the Ilokano-English magazine the most outstanding of its kind in the imagined country of Amianan. A great sacrifice of love for the language and the written word.
     It was, so to speak, an exercise in futility.

    

   


Quote from Henry David Thoreau:

"I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

DAGITI MAISAANG ITI KARAANG (para kada JSPH, Jr., Manang Pacing, Manang Ising, Kdpy)*

"Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number that takes our breath away."--Maya Angelou

Kas iti dalluyon nga agapon iti malem
Agsublitayo latta iti taripnong ti kalgaw
A maladaga manen ti kigaw a sirmata iti aringgawis.
Kasano ngamin a pumusay ti saan pay a naipasngay
Iti awan patinggana a panagsapul iti dayag?

Nalmes ti dungsa iti kape ti linnagip iti baet
Ti saan nga aggibus a dung-aw dagiti dalluyon
Iti pannakapespes kadagiti darikmat iti tinawen
Nga isusuknal iti bukodtayo a siudad ti Jerusalem.

(Iti daytoy a rabii, nalipatanda daydi immuna a balla
A nangtiliw ti kararua ti daniw ti samiweng ti gunglo
                                                                  a pinutarna.
Apay a nagsayukmo ni Manang Ising?)

Kas kadakayo, ammok laeng daydi apuy a simgiab
Idiay Sison ni Apo Turing a nangsilmot met kadakami
Kadaydi Lina ni Gene, da Binot, Virginia, daydi Jimmy.
Ammok laeng ti areng-eng dagiti kutibeng a nangngegko
Kadaydi Manong Pel, daydi Apo Godo, Manong Viring--
Isuda amin a simmina a saan man laeng a nagpakada.

Apay ngamin, aya, daytoy maulit-ulit nga isasarungkar?
Saan a mapaksuyan dagiti mata uray no kuridemdemen?

Adu latta dagiti saludsod a tawataw dagiti sungbatda.
 
Iti lugan nga agawid, awan ti arimekmek a kasla ketdin
Sangsangalen ti sarita/daniw iti adu a bariw-as, panagbirok
                                                iti dayag ken imnas

A maisaang iti karaang ti ab-abbi, patiray-ok wenno
Panangitan-ok ken kantiaw iti sumaruno a panagkikita.




* Not included in expanded version of Ilokano-English anthology, "Umayka Manen, Ganggannaet/Come Again, Stranger."